The chilled out summer holidays are often a longed for escape from the daily grind, but for couples they often turn out to be anything but relaxing. The summer can expose tensions and fractures in a relationship that have been simmering under the surface. The signs might be subtle, or surface as bickering or blazing rows.
Here’s a look at how summer can amplify existing weak spots in a relationship, and how to press the reset button for a more compassionate and authentic relationship. If you think it might be time for some professional support, please reach out to our couples counselling service in Sheffield and we’ll be happy to help.
Why summer holidays can be a conflict hot spot
We often have high expectations of summer breaks, but the disruption to our everyday routine can cause relationship cracks to appear.
This could be from the pressure to ensure everyone has a great time, or unrealistic expectations about romantic or relaxing vibes. Combined with jet lag, more alcohol than usual, and different sleeping patterns, this can lead to a recipe for disappointment, frustration and rows.
Mismatched expectations
If you and your partner lead busy lifestyles, then suddenly spending 24/7 together can be a shock to the system, especially if you are a newer couple. Maybe one partner’s idea of a holiday is lounging by the pool all day, while another’s is to pack every day with exploring the locale and trying new activities.
Long standing couples might have hoped that a dream holiday is all about rekindling romance, only to realise that being constantly together doesn’t translate into intimacy. In fact, the reasons why those earlier feelings of closeness were fading can become thrown into sharper relief.
If you are used to having your children with you on holiday but have opted to leave them with your parents or in-laws, this might have seemed like a way to reconnect with your partner. However, in reality, when the distractions of kids and family life are removed, it can leave a silence that seems impossible to fill.
How to handle holiday conflicts
Arguments on holiday aren’t necessarily a sign that your relationship is doomed: almost all couples will disagree about something with so much change and novelty going on. The key is to learn how to express your views without blame. If a source of tension boils over, try to stand back for a moment and frame your thoughts.
When talking about what’s happened, use ‘I’ statements to diffuse defensiveness: they are much less confrontational than more accusatory ‘you’ statements. Don’t focus on one upmanship, but state how your partner’s actions affected you, and what you need from them in the future.
If you’re not on the same page in terms of how you will fill your time on holiday, aim for a compromise: offer to go exploring with your partner on a few of the days, but set boundaries and have that precious relaxing day by the pool if you need it.