The first Monday in January has come to be known as ‘divorce day’ by solicitors, with a spike in enquiries about divorce proceedings. Counselling services also report an increase in the number of couples turning to them for help. There are various theories and explanations as to why this is such a common phenomenon.
Christmas can be a very stressful time for couples, particularly those with children. There are lots of extra chores to do, from decorating to present shopping and wrapping, and social events to attend. Spending extra enforced time with extended family can also be a strain, and may bring underlying tensions in the relationship to the surface.
In recent years, these problems have been exacerbated by the cost of living crisis and the pandemic. The pressure to recreate happy memories from childhood Christmases can become too much for some people, who feel burdened down with a weight of expectation and a sense of failure if they cannot enter the joyful spirit of the season.
The new year is also a factor, as many people use this to reflect on the past 12 months and how they can improve their lives during the coming year. Often, an unhappy person will find a focus for their feelings in their relationship with their partner, whether this is the true cause of their discontent or not.
This reflection can lead to the decision for couples to separate, or to seek professional help through a counselling service to try and put the broken relationship back on track. Some people may have waited until January to have one last Christmas together as a family, or to see if the holiday period and break from routine would improve matters.
January is also a month when we may be feeling low on optimism, as the weather is cold and wet and the evenings are long and dark. Finances can be strained after Christmas, and the collective cheer of December fizzles out as we return to the usual routine. Spring still seems a long time away and motivation to carry out resolutions such as exercise can be low.
All this adds up to a perfect storm of stressors that can be the final straw for a couple where the cracks in the relationship are already starting to show. Sometimes, a separation or divorce may be a positive step that is amicable on both sides. The couple may remain friends and are civilised throughout the proceedings.
In other cases, there may be more serious issues that certainly should require an end to the relationship, such as domestic abuse or coercive control. One partner may be in need of help and support to leave the marriage or relationship.
However, January is not always an ideal time for many couples to make such a drastic decision. Marriages take effort on both sides to keep them happy, and it is natural for the relationship to evolve from the early years of intensity to a different kind of bond.
If a couple have not been communicating or discussing issues that bother them, this can lead to negative feelings becoming bottled up, creating coldness and tension. This can lead to a sudden implosion of the relationship, which could have been avoided if a healthy and open style of communication was in play.
Unfortunately, marriage or partnerships do not come with a handbook and even people who still love each other may not communicate effectively. Some couples find that working with a therapist can help them to understand each other better, and see more clearly why the relationship has gone wrong.
They may come to the realisation that they have been biassed in the way that they think about each other, rather than seeing the objective reality of the situation. A therapist cannot patch together a broken relationship, but they can give each partner the right skills and tools to communicate with each other more effectively.
This can sometimes lead to the realisation that both partners want the relationship to continue. They may find themselves reconnecting emotionally and romantically, and more confident about how to avoid the mistakes of the past.
If you are looking for relationship therapy in Manchester, please visit our website today.