It’s the time of year when many of us will be making resolutions to better ourselves in some way, such as boosting our health, finances, career or relationships. On the face of it, this seems to be a positive step: it can be mentally healthy to make an honest assessment of our lives and recognise ways to improve it.
However, many people end up abandoning their resolutions for one reason or another, and this can result in feelings of failure and guilt that ultimately make mental health problems worse. Here’s a look at why resolutions can be harmful, and alternative ways to introduce positive changes to your life.
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The dangers of making resolutions
Negative motivations
Often, our resolutions are based around negative thoughts, such as that we are overweight, unfit, or do not have a good enough job. We try to shame ourselves in making improvements, but this is not a solid foundation for lasting positive changes.
Unrealistic expectations
Vowing to make drastic life changes, such as switching careers or getting fit enough to run a marathon can soon feel overwhelming and out of reach, particularly if your life is already at a low ebb. This can amplify our negative inner critic, telling us that we are a failure and cannot achieve anything.
Rigid thinking
Resolutions can have an ‘all or nothing’ approach. This is not always helpful, particularly if you are already prone to perfectionism. Inevitably, there will be days when you do not live up to your expectations, and this can lead to quitting rather than bouncing back.
How to introduce lasting changes
Focus on taking small steps
Instead of setting yourself up for a daunting challenge, make yourself a series of much lighter steps to take. For example, if you want to get fit, start by aiming to exercise for 20 minutes two or three times a week rather than spending an hour in the gym every day.
Put a strategy in place to deal with setbacks
Many people quit their resolutions after a slip up, such as having a drink after a stressful day when they are attempting Dry January. Falling back into old habits is easy, and the sense of shame and failure may even heighten the undesirable behaviour.
Have a back up plan ready to deal with such scenarios, because they will almost certainly occur. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion rather than judgement, and remember that it’s OK to make mistakes. Let it go and start afresh the next day.
Prioritise intentions over goals
Intentions are the mental attitude we approach a goal with, rather than a rigid all or nothing mindset. For example, instead of vowing to eat less, set an intention to savour the taste and texture of your food more carefully, so that you will eat more slowly and learn to listen to when your body is full.