Toxic relationships can be complicated, confusing and emotionally draining. Recognising that you are in one can be the first step to recovery. However, sometimes the boundaries are blurred and it can be difficult to have an objective perspective when you are in the midst of a bad situation.
Even if you have the insight and strength to identify and leave an unhealthy relationship, it can be difficult to move on from the emotional fallout and truly regain your sense of self.
If you are struggling, it may be useful to access extra support through CBT therapy which we can provide at our practice in Manchester city centre.
Here’s a look at some of the practical steps that might be explored during a therapy session.
Understanding toxic behaviour
Sometimes, the perpetrator may use specific techniques to convince you that the problems are your fault. This can undermine your confidence and leave you vulnerable to manipulation and coercive control. They may be constantly critical, jealous, unsupportive, and disrespectful of your needs or boundaries.
By this stage, you will no longer enjoy being in the relationship and may be seeking ways to avoid spending time with your partner. When you are together, you may feel that you can’t speak honestly, or you constantly bicker and argue.
Practical steps for healing
Don’t look backwards
If you have ended your relationship, then this is a very important first step. However, it can be difficult to move on emotionally and you may find yourself frequently dwelling on the past. You may have complicated feelings for your ex-partner, and may even still love and miss them on some level. However, this is not a sign that you should go back to them.
If you can, try to forgive and understand the behaviour of your former partner, but don’t be tempted to reach out to them as you will be likely to soon fall back into the same toxic patterns of communication. If contact is necessary, such as if children are involved, establish proper boundaries first and keep to them.
Reclaim your sense of self
A toxic relationship can erode your sense of identity. You may have got used to putting your partner’s needs first, or given up activities and interests that you used to enjoy. Reach out to lapsed friendships or family relationships and prioritise yourself with whatever makes you happy: long walks in the countryside, reading a good book; cooking or a pampering session.
Acknowledge your emotions
There will inevitably be a lot of emotional baggage from the toxic relationship, so work on unpacking your feelings and dealing with them in a constructive way. For example, this could be by challenging any negative self-talk or unhelpful patterns of behaviour such as comfort eating; keeping a journal; or just giving yourself time to feel angry, upset, and so on.
When you are ready to move to a new relationship, establish your boundaries and know that you want a situation of mutual trust and understanding.