The festive season is about to begin, and it can be a wonderful chance to see old friends and acquaintances and spend some quality time with partners or family members. However, the pressure to create those magical moments and the extra strain on finances can also lead to conflicts or heighten existing tensions in relationships.
Here’s a look at some of the most common causes of conflicts at this time of the year, and some strategies to help manage them. If you would like some more tailored support, we can provide professional relationship therapy at our Manchester location.
Why do conflicts arise at Christmas?
There are several reasons why this time of year can be difficult for couples or families: there are more demands on our time with extra shopping, social functions, entertaining, and so on. This can lead to burnout or resentment if one person feels they are shouldering an unfair burden of duties.
It’s also an expensive time, particularly for families, and this can lead to arguments over spending or unspoken worries. Sometimes people feel pressure to create the ‘perfect’ holiday based on rose-tinted childhood memories rather than the realities of adult life, and these high expectations can lead to rows or a sense of failure.
Many people also drink more alcohol than usual during the festive season, and this can lower inhibitions and bring simmering tensions to the surface, or lead to irritability and anxiety the next morning.
How can holiday conflicts be managed?
Communicate openly
A lot of tensions arise because one or both partners have hidden resentments. Avoid this by identifying any stress points in your relationship and discussing them calmly before they escalate. For example, if you are concerned about an unfair burden of duties, make a list of plans and tasks, and discuss who will be responsible for what.
Set a budget if you have financial worries and make sure both of you stick to it to avoid the temptation to overspend.
Manage expectations
If you have perfectionist tendencies, Christmas can be a difficult time, from finding just the right presents for everyone to hosting the perfect festive gathering. Get comfortable with the idea of saying no to situations that you will not genuinely enjoy, and prioritise what you really do want to do, and will bring you and your family or partner closer together.
Not everything will go to plan, but this really does not matter in the long run, and may even turn out to create some of the most memorable moments, so learn to go with the flow.
Step back when you feel tension mounting
There will inevitably be those moments where you or your partner get a bit stressed or cross. Learn how to recognise the emotional state that gives rise to arguments, and have a strategy to calm yourself or take time out. This could be deep breathing or physically removing yourself from the situation for a while.